The Shovel Talk
by Kalira69
Summary: What does Pidge have to say about things when clueless teammates nominate one of her boyfriends to give the Shovel Talk to the other?


"Hey." Shiro paused in Keith's doorway, leaning his back against one side and bracing the balls of his feet against the other.

"Hey Shiro." Keith ducked his head slightly in greeting, eying Shiro. "What's up?" he asked curiously. Shiro looked . . . amused, but also slightly awkward.

"I believe the others sent me off and are expecting me to threaten you if you don't take care of Pidge." he said, which was about the least expected thing he could have.

"Uh. . . What?" Keith said, blinking.

"You know, the traditional, I'll beat you with a shovel if you hurt our girl, kind of thing." Shiro said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I seem to have been deputised by Lance and Hunk to give the speech."

"Shovel?" Keith repeated vaguely, thinking in space? He shook his head. "But. . . _Pidge_." he pointed out.

"Yeah?" Pidge asked, coming out of the attached bathroom in a pair of his boxers and scrubbing a towel over her head. Keith winced slightly - if he'd dried his hair that way it would take him an age to get all the knots and tangles out of it. Pidge's hair was much less prone to tangles, though, it was just fluffier than his.

"Apparently Shiro is supposed to be giving me the dad talk about you." Keith supplied, picking out her comb from the detritus on top of the dresser - including an Altean tablet Pidge had taken apart that morning, and a few loose pages from his sketchbook - and handing it to her just as she began looking for it. "Am I supposed to give you one afterwards?" he directed the question back at Shiro. "That just sounds inefficient. Also, it's _Pidge_."

Pidge pushed the towel down to drape around her shoulders and separated out a lock of hair, bringing it forward and pausing with the comb raised. She looked at Keith, then Shiro. "Wait, _what_ dad talk?" she asked, tilting her head to one side with a delicate furrow forming between her brows.

"The, uh, one about not hurting you." Shiro said awkwardly, and Pidge lowered her hands, bracing them on her hips.

Standing there in boxers and a towel and wet hair, without even her glasses on, hands on hips, she shouldn't have looked very threatening - in fact she _didn't_ , really. Except that Keith knew what she was capable of, and recognised that her slim, delicate-looking limbs were actually hard, lean muscle, and she was a fierce, clever force to be reckoned with when she chose, in any arena.

"Shiro is _what_?" Pidge demanded. ". . .and how does that even make any sense?" she added, flinging her hands up. "Is Keith supposed to reciprocate? Are you supposed to trade places? Am _I_ supposed to do it too or is it a 'girl' thing? Is there even a thing about boyfriends doing it to-"

"I don't think they realised, er. . ." Shiro trailed off, pinking. He blushed more easily than Pidge or Keith himself, and it was kind of cute.

Also that made a little more sense, although Keith wasn't quite sure how their teammates had missed it. . . "How did they not realise?" Pidge huffed, and all but stomped over to the doorway, lifting her chin as she reached Shiro. She met his eyes for a long moment, then snorted and caught hold of his metal arm, pulling him inside what was technically Keith's room.

Really, if nothing else, you'd think the others would have noticed that Shiro was always coming out of _his_ room in the morning, at least at _some_ point over the past six weeks they'd been spending every night here. If not the weeks before that when it had been occasional, or before _that_ when. . . Keith shook his head.

Also Shiro really did blush _far_ more easily than Pidge or Keith, and he could remember a dozen times the pair of them had - purposely or accidentally - made him blush in front of all their teammates, and Allura and Coran as well, off the top of his head.

"It's possible they're idiots." Keith suggested, tapping the button to close the door as Pidge dragged Shiro towards the bed. She couldn't have budged Shiro like this without his allowing it, of course, but sometimes it was hard to remember that when he was so gentle and easily . . . nudged.

"Keith." Shiro said chidingly, and Keith's lips twitched.

"That's probably why they expected you to be the one giving the talk, at least. If anyone was going to, and they managed to miss that you're part of us." Keith guessed, sitting down at the desk and rifling through the papers there absently, thinking vaguely of looking for the notes he'd made on a question for Pidge about his Lion.

"I don't need anyone to threaten _either_ of you on my behalf." Pidge said testily.

"We know." Shiro and Keith said at once, and she seemed mollified.

"Besides, what do they think _you're_ going to do to me?" Pidge asked, coming over to lean on the desk beside Keith. He paused, looking up at her with a cocked eyebrow. "I already know you spend more time in the training deck than your bedroom, and subtle social cues go over your head."

Keith reached up and tugged the tips of one loose curl of Pidge's hair. "Pick up on enough to have seen through you." he pointed out. Her hair was still wet enough to be dripping, he found, and wrung out the lock he held automatically.

"And you spend more time with your tech than everything else put together." Shiro pointed out. "Including when you're asleep." he added with a wry smile.

"I- I've been coming to bed more often!" Pidge protested, swatting Keith's hand away distractedly and giving Shiro a sulky expression. She picked up the end of her towel and dabbed her neck dry.

"That's true, but you still fall asleep with your tech more often than us." Keith pointed out. "And you only come to bed so often as you _do_ because of us, don't you?"

Pidge nodded, but huffed in protest. "I _have_ been sleeping more in bed-"

"Because Keith goes looking for you and brings you back here when you fall asleep in Green's hangar or the control room or . . . anywhere else." Shiro said gently, his lips curling upwards.

"Air vents." Keith put in dryly.

Pidge opened her mouth, then closed it again, sighing. She looked down at Keith, her eyes warm with affection despite her exasperated expression, and he shrugged.

"Come here." Keith tugged at Pidge's elbow, and she wobbled, not expecting the pull, and gave him a startled look. "Come _here_." he repeated pointedly, and tugged Pidge down, getting her to settle into his lap.

Pidge glanced over her shoulder, and Keith held an open hand out in front of her. She made a confused sound, then- "Ah." She put the comb in his hand.

Keith pulled her hair away from her neck and picked up the towel, squeezing the wet out of her hair with it. "You don't need to do that." Pidge said, but she hummed happily as Keith's knuckles rubbed firmly against the nape of her neck.

He knew she tended to knot up there, she spent so much time hunched over her laptop or a tablet - or the splayed insides of whatever piece of tech caught her attention for the day. Just like Shiro's shoulders, especially the right one, got so tense they felt like steel by the end of particularly stressful days.

"No." Keith agreed, picking out the knots in her hair with short, easy strokes of the comb.

Shiro was sitting on the bed and he smiled as Pidge made tiny almost-mewing sounds of pleasure under Keith's hands. He propped his legs up along the mattress, folding his arms behind his head and leaning back against the wall by the headboard.

"So, are you going to give me a warning speech?" Keith asked, kissing Pidge's shoulder as she shivered and ruffling her bangs lightly. Pidge sighed, slouching against his chest comfortably as he looked across at Shiro.

". . .you look so threatening right now." Shiro said, lips twitching. "I don't know why no one's done it before."

Keith laughed, putting Pidge's comb down on the desk behind him and wrapping an arm around her waist. "Well?" he asked, arching his eyebrows.

Pidge squirmed. "Now Keith," she said, sitting upright with a reluctant sigh, "you should know," she looked over her shoulder at Keith, "if you hurt Shiro-"

"Are you kidding?" Keith asked her, almost blank-faced, taken by surprise.

"This Castle is very, very large, full of technological pitfalls I know _very_ well, and I have a small army of assorted technical elements and drones at my disposal." Pidge continued solemnly, pursing her lips.

"Is this supposed to be scary?" Keith asked the ceiling, looking up at it for help. "Am I supposed to be scared right now?" He looked at Pidge, who still looked rather weirdly serious. Shiro looked like he was barely restraining laughter.

"I _also_ have my bayard." Pidge added, lightly smacking Keith's thigh beside her leg.

"Oh for fuck's sake." Keith tipped his head back. "Seriously, Pidge?"

"Just so you know, babe." Pidge said, patting his thigh a little more gently and leaning back again, twisting to kiss him over her own shoulder.

"Duly noted." Keith told her, hugging her snugly around the waist.

"Good." Pidge popped up out of his lap, and Keith let her go, stretching his legs out a little further. "So, Shiro." Pidge bounced across the room and settled herself, all bare, pale skin and sly smiles, in Shiro's lap.

He dropped his arms around her, left hand sliding gently over her belly. "Yes, darling?"

"If you hurt Keith, I will take you out." Pidge told him, fixing a not-quite-glare on him.

Shiro nodded seriously. "I understand, darling," he told her evenly, "and I want you to know that I would never hurt him."

"Are you _joking_ oh for-" Keith muttered to himself, rolling his eyes.

"I know you won't, sweetie." Pidge said, giving him a pleased smile. She knelt up and turned a little more towards him, leaning in for a soft, lingering kiss and then wrapping him in a hug. Shiro's face was peaceful and happy as he bowed into her arms, closing his eyes as he returned the hug, and Keith couldn't help a fond smile at both of them, even if they _were_ being ridiculous.

Keith got up from his chair and made his way over to the bed. "You're both crazy." he said, leaning down and kissing Shiro's temple, hand sliding over Pidge's shoulders again.

"But," Pidge drew out the word, sing-song, "you love us!"

"I do, mad little bird." Keith snorted and flicked her shoulder. Shiro reached out and caught his arm, drawing him down onto the bed - which pulled him into falling across Shiro's legs just behind Pidge.

"You're really not good at this endearments thing, are you?" Pidge said playfully, shifting as Keith pulled himself up and moved to lean beside Shiro. Pidge happily snuggled herself down against both of their shoulders, legs splayed to rest over theirs.

"Whatever you say, pet." Keith told her absently, idly running his fingers up and down the tender inside of her forearm. "What are you going to tell them, Shiro?" he asked, arching a brow and looking over Pidge's head at Shiro.

Shiro frowned. "I . . . don't know? I don't know if they'll say anything, and. . ."

"If they haven't realised," Pidge said, humming softly and catching Keith's hand in hers as his next downwards stroke drifted over her palm, "by _now_ , we maybe should tell them."

"We shouldn't make Shiro do it." Keith said immediately, watching embarrassment - underlined by a faint rosy flush - war with relief on their lover's face at the words. "Even if they put him on the spot by," he rolled his eyes, "telling him to warn me over you. And why," he added, "did no one else decide to do it, then? Why is it your job?" he asked.

"I don't know." Shiro frowned slightly. "Perhaps because I'm . . . your leader?"

"Hmph." Pidge said of that. "And. . ." She grinned evilly, and Keith smiled. " _I'll_ do it. Teach them. Oh," she said in a higher-pitched, ridiculous voice, "someone better warn Keith not to hurt Pidge's poor delicate girl feelings _, pfft._ "

Keith swallowed a laugh, pinching her lightly over one hipbone and making her yelp, flailing. He caught one heel to the shin, but he'd been expecting to collect at least one hit when he did it. "Do you have feelings, pet? You're not one with your robots?"

"Hey!" Pidge protested, elbowing Keith and shifting to drape her legs more over Shiro's lap than Keith's. "My robots _have_ feelings. Shut it, sword boy."

"Good you have your priorities straight on what the important things are." Keith told her, and Pidge made a little smug sound, snuggling her damp head against his shoulder. Her wet hair chilled him slightly, but Keith didn't protest, just let his hand slide up from her hip to rest on her stomach.

"What do you plan to say?" Shiro asked warily as they settled again, and Keith laughed quietly, grinning.

"Don't ask," Keith advised, though he was curious himself, "just let her do it. It'll be fun." he added.

Pidge slid her head sideways off his shoulder and tipped it backwards to look at him upside down, a big grin of her own spreading wickedly across her face. "Damn right it will!" she dragged out the last syllable with glee that might have been somewhat worrying if Keith didn't know it was aimed at someone else.

Shiro looked at them both with some trepidation, but he didn't ask again, only shook his head and stretched a hand out across Pidge to slide his arm around Keith's shoulders. He leaned forwards a little to make room, and then back against the warm, quietly-thrumming metal.

"Hey, boys, by the way. . ." Pidge called, and everyone else stopped, looking at her. Keith caught the glint in her eyes and grinned, leaning lazily against the counter. "I thought I'd just let you know, the _shovel talk_ has been appropriately given."

Hunk looked a little embarrassed, glancing away. Lance grinned broadly, though perhaps a little less confidence than he was trying to show. "Well, good," he said, looking briefly over at Keith, "I'm sure after that warning you'll-"

"You'll be happy to hear that the boys have both been thoroughly warned and promised me they will be respectful of each other." Pidge continued, and Lance's eyes widened.

Hunk looked between the three of them, confusion visibly growing. "Wait, uhm. You two are. . ." he trailed off.

"Wait wait wait, Keith and _Shiro_?" Lance asked, one eye squinting nearly closed. "Hey, but we saw-" he broke off as Pidge took a few steps towards Shiro - who seemed to be trying to disappear into the chairs arrayed around the small kitchen table - and leaned against his arm. ". . .Pidge?" Lance asked, cocking his head.

" _How_ ," Keith said, too exasperated to keep wholly quiet, "did you _fail_ to notice, if you've been watching enough to see Pidge with me?"

"Notice? Notice what?" Hunk asked, shifting a little further away from Lance. "Was there something to notice?" He laughed awkwardly.

"Well, there is that," Shiro paused for a long moment, "depending on what you've seen," he brushed a hand over Pidge's back and glanced at Keith, "we _have_ all been sharing a room for weeks."

"Uh, we- That is, I saw Keith and Pidge in- You've been . . . sleeping together?" Lance asked, wide-eyed again.

"In my room." Keith said dryly. "Maybe no one noticed you because you usually get up earlier than any of us." he added, meeting Shiro's eyes as he pushed off the counter and heading towards his partners.

"See?" Pidge thumped Shiro lightly, grinning at Keith. "You should stay in bed with us in the morning, like a sane person."

"Like _you'd_ know sanity if it bit you on the ass." Keith countered, arching a brow.

"I think sane people don't tend to bite, babe." Pidge said, smirking. "Which- Well, that lets _you_ out, but we already knew that."

"You too." Keith shot back wickedly.

Shiro, Keith noticed, was flushing a delicate shade of rosy pink and probably would have been trying to back away if he wasn't caught by the two of them.

"Hey, whoa, wait!" Lance held up his hands. "You three are together?" he asked, and Keith looked at him.

"Yes." Shiro said before Keith or Pidge could respond. "We weren't trying to keep it a secret," he added, his blush fading a little as he spoke, "although it was not really an 'issue' to be raised, either."

"Yeah no, that's not-" Lance shook his head as Hunk made a tiny confused sound. "You three are together and _Pidge_ , you warned the- Okay wait never mind, I can see that." he interrupted himself, and Keith laughed.

"Packs quite a punch all by herself, remembering that?" Keith asked, and Pidge caught his arm, drawing him close with a pleased smile.

"Yeah." Lance said, pouting a little and rubbing his arm like he would just after a hit.

"You really thought we knew?" Hunk asked, looking at Shiro with disbelief.

"We weren't hiding." Keith shrugged. "Perhaps we should be making more of a point to be obvious about things?" he asked, lips twitching.

" _Well_ , in that case. . ." Pidge pulled away from Shiro's side just enough to stand straight and dragged Keith even closer by her grip on his arm, almost pushing him up against Shiro.

" _Pidge._ " Shiro said, raising a hand to cover his mouth as he smiled, his eyes light with amusement.

"Why did you just . . . go off like you really were going to warn Keith about being careful with Pidge yesterday, then?" Hunk asked, as Pidge pouted a little and stopped manoeuvring Keith closer to Shiro, instead only leaning in against his chest. She sighed and let her arms rest around his waist, and Keith idly trailed a hand up and down her back.

"I, ah. . ." Shiro ducked his head.

"And what would _you_ do if someone told you to warn your boyfriend to be nice to your girlfriend?" Keith asked, looking over Pidge's head at Hunk. "Or else, I assume."

". . .fair." Lance said wryly.

"I'm sorry. I was so surprised I really didn't know what to say." Shiro said apologetically.

"'Why are you asking me to warn my boyfriend off my girlfriend?'" Hunk suggested, but despite his still-clear embarrassment he was smiling now. Keith still laughed.

"I'm glad he didn't," Pidge said as Keith moved half a step sideways - giving her a moment to steady herself, since she was leaning on him - to rest one hand on Shiro's shoulder, "I enjoyed seeing your faces myself."

"You are an evil little bird, pet." Keith told her, and Pidge only grinned wider, proudly.

* * *

First story of my 'may be crazy May' project - goal: post a new story every day in May.

Not specifically written for, but posted as part of Polyshipping Day on Tumblr, which is apparently is a monthly, first of the month thing. I might try and do it more often.


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